Models ← We Can Solve This

What I discovered is that there was not anything objectively better or more interesting about these girls. In fact, what I was chasing was status, a pat on the back, basically reliving and redeeming all of my failed high school moments where the pretty girls didn’t pay attention to me. It had nothing to do with the girls, it had everything to do with me.

What I recommend to every guy before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself some questions: - What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? - Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them? - What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies?

Also, meetup.com and livingsocial.com are excellent resources for finding like-minded people and cool events going on in your city.

Or as the old saying goes: “Tell the beautiful girls they’re smart and tell the smart girls that they’re beautiful.”

I recommend guys switch to a binary system of 1 or 0. A “1” is a woman you’d like to be with. A “0” is a woman you wouldn’t. Why you want to be with her or not, how she looks, whether she’s just OK looking or the most beautiful woman on the planet — none of that matters. Either you’re interested or you're not. The rest doesn’t matter.

“You know, I get a good feeling from you, you’re someone worth knowing.”

protein faster and more efficiently. A great “newbie” workout program is called the Rippetoe System, also known as Starting Strength. I fully recommend it.

Do it until it becomes habit. Challenge yourself to go out for a week straight and do this every time you’re in public. Notice any changes in how you feel. Notice any shifts in people’s reactions to you. Notice any shifts in your confidence.

As you could guess, we want to develop that chest voice. Again, the only way to do this is through conscious practice – reminding yourself countless times to speak from your chest voice until it becomes habit.

One summer in college, I read a book a day for 50 days, all nonfiction, and all on philosophy or various social sciences.

Drop all of this prejudice and adopt this mentality immediately: “there has to be something to this form of art, otherwise it wouldn’t have a following, so I should find out what that something is.” Once you find it, then decide if you like it or not. Whether you like something or not, you should always be able to appreciate it.

Do the same with movies. Watch every movie in IMDB’s top 20 movies of all time list. Google critics’ top 10 movies of all time lists and watch everything on there. Watch every movie that’s won an Oscar for “Best Picture.” That’s a good start.

On one side, I want you to take 10 minutes and list unique things that you have done or experienced that most people haven’t. It could be everything from climbing a mountain, to writing your school’s play in high school, to recovering from cancer, to going on a 10-day meditation retreat, to starting your own business in college. Write things that you’ve done that no one or almost no one you know has done or experienced. Now, turn the paper over. Take 10 minutes and write all of the the things you want to do before you die. Assuming money and time weren’t an issue, list everything you would do before you died. Some examples from my list: write a novel, see the pyramids, learn to box, live in Japan, speak five languages, climb a mountain, etc.

Zealand, ask, “How do I feel about that?”

So what are your stories? What do you tell yourself to justify that internal resistance inside you? And what stories can you tell yourself instead to remove as much of that resistance as possible?

And my pattern was apathy. So I’d be hanging out in a bar, see a cute girl I liked, and my immediate reaction would be to say something like, “Eh, I don’t really feel like talking right now,” or “I don’t feel like meeting girls right now.” This was complete bullshit. I had purposely gone out that night for no other reason than to meet girls. I had been reading books and websites all week about nothing but meeting girls. I wanted to meet girls.

There are something like 40 million single women in the US. And you truly believe you can’t find one good one? Whose fault is that? It’s your fault. You’re being lazy. You’re being lazy and unfairly judging millions of women all because you aren’t willing to take responsibility for your failures.

This is also why women are willing to overlook a lot of bonehead moves and mistakes we make if they like us. It’s amazing how many second and third chances a woman will give you if she likes you. She’s rooting for you. She’s your biggest fan.

To develop lasting change, you come at it from the opposite angle. If you’re afraid to approach women, then you find the easiest and lowest intensity way to approach, and then do it in high volume.

So for instance, instead of doing the “embarrass yourself” exercise above one time, you would approach 10 women in an hour or two just asking for the time. Nothing more is required, just what time it is. Find something easy, but repeat it many, many times.

Again, some self-awareness is critical. Take things one at a time, stairstep them slowly until you get not only comfortable with it, but excited about it, and then move on to the next thing. That excitement and enthusiasm will bleed over into the next form of anxiety and motivate you to keep going.

Courage is a habit. Courage is a form of discipline. It’s taking a certain action even though you feel like doing something else. The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue.

This is a common mistake that many of the Social Disconnect types of men make. Since they’re so out of tune with social norms, they often have no problem behaving in a bold way. The problem is, they aren’t aware of when they’re being bold or not.

So as a friend of mine says, “give yourself permission to be creepy.” There’s no other way. And look, it’s not the end of the world. There’s no Creepy Police who come and handcuff you and take you away for creeping on some girls every now and then.

Paradoxically, the way to interact with women in a vulnerable way, and therefore the way to combat creepiness, is to accept that some women will find you creepy some of the time. Just as with rejection, the more you’re willing to risk it, the less it will happen.

And what if you’re not attracted to her? Simple, don’t qualify yourself or re-establish rapport. When she teases you or tries to lead, simply don’t go along with it. No harm, no foul. It’s all part of the game.

This is more or less the blueprint of seduction: a strong, high status, attractive exterior (lifestyle and looks), fearless, and able to open up and share your vulnerable side with her (and theoretically, only her). Women get weak in the knees for this. And it’s not even conscious in them most of the time.

Try re-reading through these examples and at each underlined word or phrase, try to immediately come up with a thought or response about it.

Conversations only end when one person says something to which the other person has no jump off points. This is what happens when a conversation “dies.” If you teach yourself to recognize jump off points and take advantage of them as soon as possible, you’ll be able to sustain a conversation with almost anybody indefinitely.

Take out a sheet of paper and write down three things for each of the following: • Your passions and favorite things to do. • Your dreams, ambitions, life goals. • The best/worst things that have happened to you. • Your childhood, family life, and upbringing. Now, go back to each item you wrote down and talk about it to yourself for one minute. Try to be as detailed and honest as possible. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Even when you’re alone sometimes talking about these subjects makes you a little uneasy.

Teasing polarizes, often hard and quickly. Therefore it’s a good tactic, but not always exactly pleasant.

Generally women who don’t enjoy being teased really appreciate genuine compliments, so I switch it up.

If you find yourself having a lot of trouble with humor, I recommend watching a lot of stand up comedians. Some of my favorites are Louis CK, George Carlin, Bill Maher, Bill Hicks, and Chris Rock. Pay attention to their delivery, their timing, their facial expressions.

- I always text within 24 hours of getting her number. I send a simple text: “Hey Sara, it was nice meeting you.” That’s it. Most girls who are interested in you will respond somewhat quickly. The ones who do not respond to this will usually flake on you.

Me: Come on Natalie. When you’re old and grey are you going to wish you worked more, or wish you went on more dates with American boys?

Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again.

One of my favorite things to do while making out with a girl is to grab her belt loops on her pants and pull her hips into mine.

The trick is to identify the good/bad habits you want to build or break and the focus on them consciously until they’re second nature. This actually doesn’t take a long time. For simple things such as eye contact or posture, it may only take a few weeks. For things such as touching, or making statements instead of questions, it may be even shorter. Either way, the more you implement the habits, the better your reactions from women will be, therefore increasing your motivation to implement the habits further.

“Any individual who wants to be a leader has to be controversial. Otherwise they don’t stand for anything.” - Richard M. Nixon

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

Here are some other common examples of reciprocation: - She ignores her friends to stay and talk to you. - She keeps very strong eye contact and laughs a little too much at everything you say. - When you touch her, she touches you in return. - When you put your arm around her, she leans into you. - When you take her hand to move somewhere, she holds it in return. - When you ask her out on a date, she offers a place to go or mentions something she’d like to do with you. Most interested women will reciprocate to show that they’re interested. Catching on to how women reciprocate and noticing the signals is something that you develop with experience, but it shouldn’t be too hard if you know what to pay attention to.

Other men often stick to plain jokes and safe topics of conversation that end up not polarizing at all for fear of being rejected. This is also a form of hiding one’s truth, not showing vulnerability, being needy and therefore not being attractive.

At the bar the first question out of my mouth is one of my favorites for Neutral situations: "What's your favorite thing in the world?" This question will tell me two things: how passionate and self-aware she is about her own life and secondly, if we have anything in common.

the most common strategy with guys who are inexperienced with women is “to be liked by all; hated by none.” But when it comes to being intimate and attracting women, this is a horrible strategy. Being hated by nobody usually

You’d be surprised how many women will respond with attraction to nothing other than a man who is bold and willing to make a move.

But surprisingly, a lot of women will react warmly to these advances. Even if they’re not interested and reject you, they respect a man who is bold and honest. I’ve had multiple occasions where I approached women boldly and honestly, stating directly that they were beautiful and I wanted to meet them, and despite rejecting me, they were so impressed by my boldness and confidence that they promptly introduced me to a friend of theirs who was available.

You know those people who interrupt you constantly and redirect every possible topic of conversation back to some inane story about themselves? She was one of those. It was

You know those people who interrupt you constantly and redirect every possible topic of conversation back to some inane story about themselves? She was one of those. It was like being socially water-boarded.

I’ll always take being slapped over indifference or boredom any day. It’s polarizing. And polarizing women is more important than being pleasant to them.

As with any type of failure, it’s not until you’ve been rejected a certain amount that you realize how insignificant it actually is, how you spent so much time worrying about nothing, and how you’re free to act however you choose.

As soon as you realize that 95% of this “picking up” women stuff has nothing to do with you, is the moment you become free to pursue what you want without hesitation

When you get out there and start meeting a lot of women, you’ll begin to notice that there’s a lot to be said about “meeting the right person at the wrong time.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met an amazing woman but some circumstance was standing in the way. It happens all the time. It may be that she’s on vacation and flying 2,000 miles home tomorrow so she doesn’t want to bother meeting a new guy. Or that she just got back together with her long-term boyfriend and doesn’t want to screw it up. Or that her dog just died and she really doesn’t feel like talking tonight. Or that her ex-boyfriend has been calling her and harassing her and she just wants to be left alone with her girlfriends tonight. Or that the last guy who came up and talked to her grabbed her ass so she’s upset. Or the guy she went out with last night was totally rude and looked just like you. Or it’s that time of the month and she’s irritable and annoyed with the whole “dating” thing right now. There are a million extraneous circumstances completely outside of your control and at any given time, a large chunk of the women you meet and talk to are going to be experiencing one of them. The best you can do is to let it go and remember, it’s not about you.

Most men, when they approach women, are thinking something like, “I hope she likes me,” or “I hope she doesn’t embarrass me or reject me.” It’s all about them. And therefore, when things don’t go anywhere, the men take it personally — they get upset or angry or butt-hurt that this random stranger with breasts isn’t interested right now.

Instead of thinking, “I wonder if she’ll like me,” think, “I wonder what she’s like?” Instead of thinking, “I hope she doesn’t reject me,” think, “I hope I'll have an interesting experience with her.”

The beauty is that whether she falls in love with you on the spot or she throws a drink in your face… you’ve succeeded. You’ve found out the truth. Your curiosity is fulfilled and you can now decide whether you should move on or not.

I define success in a qualitative way: maximizing happiness with whichever woman (or women) for each individual. Success = Maximizing happiness with whichever woman/women we prefer

If you’re afraid to approach a woman, it’s because somewhere inside you are more invested in her opinion of you than you are in your own opinion of yourself.

If you’re afraid to ask a girl to come home with you, it’s because you are afraid of the sexual reality that you want to sleep with her — you’re more invested in her not rejecting you than you are in aligning yourself with your desires.

If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.

Sunglasses: Go to a sunglasses store and try out a bunch of different pairs. Find a pair that compliments your head shape nicely. Sunglasses cover the eyes, creating a sense of mystery and power in whoever wears them. Make sure the tint matches your outfit (i.e., don’t wear a brown tint with a black outfit)

Again I have to stop myself. I don’t know this girl. But obviously if I’m dedicating such mental energy to her, I probably should.

Whether you feel incredibly nervous before you approach, or if you procrastinate calling women you’ve met, or if you tell yourself that you just “don’t feel like” having sex when you’re out on a date with a girl even though she’s obviously into you, this is your subconscious resisting change.

your mind is inventing stories to explain that resistance. These stories have emotions tied to them, whether they’re fear, boredom, anger, shame, or whatever — which contribute to keeping you in the same place you are right now. It’s your emotional inertia. It’s the status quo. The mechanisms wired into you to keep you there, safe. And we all have them.

The only important "skill" in dating is learning how to stop buying into your own bullshit, to stop believing your own stories.

let’s say you get scared to death to say anything when a beautiful girl sits down next to you. The fact that you’re scared to death demonstrates a high level of investment and neediness in her opinion of you.

So here are some helpful ways to break your own pattern: 1. Take a moment and think about what you’re most anxious about. Is it approaching? Is it showing sexual interest? Is it asking a girl out? Is it the first kiss? 2. Now write down your pattern with it. So for instance, “Calling women, pattern is apathy,” or “Approaching women, pattern is blame game.” 3. Now, create a goal for yourself, for instance, “Call every phone number I get, no matter how much I don’t care.” Write it down. 4. Tell a friend or a buddy what you plan on doing and ask him to keep you accountable.

When you’re out and about during your daily life, every beautiful woman you see, every hot girl you talk to, I want you to imagine what it’d be like to have sex with her.

Follow this for a few weeks and you should find yourself motivated. If you mess up or give in, just start over again. Don’t be hard on yourself. Ideally, within a couple weeks the idea of going out to approach women should sound exciting to you instead of a chore. This is good. So go out and do it!

She wants YOU to be that man. She’s secretly rooting for you. She doesn’t want to reject you. Every time a new man walks up to her, she’s secretly saying to herself, “Please, please, please be the man. Be the attractive man that I can’t say no to.”

your role as a man is to take action. It’s all on you. It’s always on you. You move things forward.

The easiest example is approaching women. Start with something simple and innocuous. Hell, you could even start by asking clerks and cashiers how their day is going — they have to be nice to you after all. But start simple. “What time is it?” or maybe “Can you tell me how to get to the bus stop?” Do that 10 or 20 times, then go out the next day and approach women the same way, but ask them how their day is going. Then go out and and ask 10 or 20 women for directions, how their day is going and then ask them a personal question about themselves. Slowly work up until you’re able to approach women by telling them you think they’re attractive and asking them out on a date. You’ll be surprised how quickly you can get comfortable doing this.

Walking up to a group of six people sitting down, asking to speak to the most attractive woman for a moment, telling her that you find her to be beautiful and you’d like to take her out sometime, is quite bold. It’s bold because it requires a lot of courage to disrupt social norms and it requires quite a bit of vulnerability.

This is why if you’re ever going to do something that is unusual — approach a woman in a strange location, try to kiss her in a strange location, invite her out with you after just meeting her, etc. — it’s important that you communicate that you realize what you’re doing is abnormal. “You know, I’ve never done this before, and I know we just met, but why don’t you come to the restaurant with me.” “Excuse me, this is kind of random, but I thought

one of my mantras that I tell guys is, “Always err on the side of aggression.”

Whenever you’re in doubt of what you should do, err on the side of aggression. Choose the more bold action. Because if you wait around for the safer and less bold opportunity to make a move on her, chances are the attraction will be less or may even dwindle.

Another classic situation is flinging harsh teases immediately followed by sincere compliments. For instance, you could make fun of how indecisive she is ordering her drinks and tell her that indecisiveness isn’t going to lead her anywhere in life. When she responds with some indignation, you could then compliment her on how beautiful her eyes are when she’s mad. This absolutely bamboozles women in a very, very good way. They don’t know whether to laugh or cry, hug you or hit you. And ultimately that conflict of emotions turns them on. It’s a lot of fun. Try it.

Either your tease came with the wrong intention, was delivered poorly, or she’s simply not interested in you. The reason isn’t that important.

When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her. I know this sounds drab and boring. But remember, it’s not about entertaining her, it’s about exuding non-neediness and genuine interest in her. During the day, I often prep the introduction by saying something like, “Excuse me, this is kind of random...” Also during the day, I usually tell them that I think they’re cute.

Guys often ask me what my favorite “opener” or “pick up line” is. Literally 80% of my approaches begin with, “Hi, my name is Mark.”

Never underestimate the power of non sequiturs. “I’m thinking about quitting drinking.” “A car almost hit me on the way here tonight.” “My roommate eats peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwiches. It’s disgusting.” “I’ve always wanted to visit Africa.” These will sometimes come across as random.

have to say this again. Don’t get fancy or cute in your texts.

Don’t get fancy or cute in your texts. Texting is, in general, an awful medium for communication. Often if you try to get too sarcastic or witty in your texts, they can be easily misinterpreted or come off with a completely different intention than you originally had.

As a guideline, asking a woman out on each day of the week go from best to worst as follows: 1. Thursday 2. Wednesday 3. Sunday 4. Tuesday 5. Monday 6. Friday 7. Saturday

It should be like this: “Hey, let’s grab some tacos, I know a cool stand over here,” “I got an idea, I’m going to kick your ass in air hockey,” “Let’s check out the Science museum, they have an awesome exhibit on the human body,” etc.

Pre-Approach Signals - Non-Accidental Eye Contact: When in doubt, assume it’s not accidental. Humans are programmed to look at and focus on whatever they’re either curious about or that they find attractive. If she’s looking at you even 10% more than the average stranger, then she’s at least somewhat curious/interested in you. I make a point to approach every woman who makes non-accidental eye contact with me, and it serves me well.

- Smiling: If eye contact means she’s interested, this means “you better come talk to me!”

- She Approaches You: This goes without saying, although a lot of guys are so oblivious, they even miss this. If a woman approaches you, even if it’s to ask the time, about the weather, for directions, or whatever, chances are she has some interest in talking to you.

- Proximity: This one is subtle, but the more you work on your lifestyle, body language and style, the more of these you will get. It’s when a woman places herself near you when she doesn’t have to. For instance, let’s say you’re sitting on a bus and an attractive woman gets on. The entire bus is empty, yet she comes over and sits across from you. That means she wants you to talk to her. Some other examples are when a woman comes and stands near you in a store or shop looking at nothing in particular for a long amount of time.

Conversation Signals - Excessive Smiling/Laughing: This is subjective and will require some judgment, but sometimes you will notice one girl smiling and laughing a lot more than others when you speak. Chances are she likes you.

- Flipping or Playing with Her Hair: Classic signal of flirtation.

- Eyes Dilate: Studies have shown our eyes dilate when we look at someone we’re attracted to. Hard to notice, especially in some nighttime scenario. But this gives her eyes a much bigger and wider look than normal… what you may call “big doe eyes.”

- Standing Closer to You Than Normal: self explanatory. Pay attention to where she positions herself.

- Excessive Eye Contact: Same as excessive smiling. If she’s locked onto your gaze during a conversation, that means she’s very interested in what you have to say. Most people break eye contact very often, especially with people they just meet. If she doesn’t, that means she’s interested in you.

- Prioritizes You: Another very subjective one. This can be very subtle. But it’s when her actions subtly show you that she prioritizes you over interacting with others. The classic example here is if you meet a girl at a bar and her friends come over and try to talk to her and she ignores her friends. Most women, if they don’t like you, will drop you like a hot potato when their friends come around.

- Isolates Herself with You: Often times the most overt advances a woman will make won’t be in actually making a move (that’s your job), but they’ll actively work to put you in the easiest situation possible. Let’s say I’ve been hanging out with a girl for most of the night and suddenly she says, “let’s step outside for some fresh air, this bar is noisy,” she’s purposely isolating herself with me as much as possible. This typically means she wants to be kissed.

- Ditches Her Friends For You: Goes along with the above… it takes a lot for a woman to leave her friends behind for a guy, especially one she’s only known for a few hours or one night. If she does this, take it as a bright green light.

- Touches You: Whether it’s un-provoked or her reciprocating you touching her (Chapter 15), this is a clear signal that she likes you and wants you to continue escalating with her physically.

Being physical on women is a necessary habit that most men who are poor with women never do.

Most men are a bit shy and hesitant when it comes to “making moves:” touching, the first kiss, sexual touching, etc. Well, that needs to stop. From now on, you are a sexually aggressive and dominant guy and you have no shame… We’ll also discover that women actually prefer you to be this way.

For instance, let’s say you make a clever joke and she begins to laugh really hard, you should put your hand on her arm to punctuate the emotion of the moment. The best way to touch is to integrate physicality into your conversation. For example, using games such as thumb wars, twirling her like a ballerina, or giving high fives are great ways to initiate physical contact. As the conversation goes on, the better things are going, the more you want to be touching and the more personal you want your touches to be.

The purpose of push and pull isn’t an ends to itself, it’s a means to give you opportunities to kiss her. One of the most common questions guys always have is, “how do I know when to kiss her?” If you learn to push and pull well, you’ll find yourself in situation after situation where it “feels” right – you’ll both be close, touching and emotionally charged. Opportunities should come up over and over again.

If you push and pull well, you’ll increasingly find yourself in more intimate and emotional situations with her. You can take any of the examples above and transition straight into tickling her where you can end up on top of her and in perfect position to kiss her.

When it comes to kissing a woman, there’s an old adage amongst dating coaches: if you think you can kiss her, you probably could have ten minutes ago.

So, in general, it’s safe to assume that anytime you think you could kiss her, you already could have. Too many guys get hung up looking for “sign” after “sign” when girls have been giving them signals all night. Think of it this way: it’s much better to try and kiss her and get rejected than to go the whole night without making a move and never knowing what would have been.

If she seems less excited after kissing you than she did before kissing you, then you need to kiss and touch her better. If she seems nervous and uncomfortable when you try to get her to leave with you, then she needs to trust you more.

A lot of guys make big productions about getting a girl to come home with them: coming up with elaborate stories and props, etc. If she wants to go home with you, she needs the mildest of excuses to agree: • “I’ve got the coolest dog, you should come see him.” • “I’m not tired yet. Want to check out that movie I was talking about?” • “I make an awesome omelet. Come over. I’ll make you one.”

If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush – you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.

Level 2: Meeting Women (Complete 4 of 5) - Figure out demographics:

- Approach 5 women in one day: Self-explanatory - Approach 20 women in one week: Also self-explanatory.

- Join an online dating site and email 10 women: Also

Level 3: Getting to Know Women (Complete 3 of 4) - Hold at least three 30-minute conversations with women you just met: Can be anywhere. - Get three phone numbers from women you just met: Just ask, you’ll be surprised how many women will give them to you. - Go on two dates: They can come from women you met anywhere. - Approach 25 women in one weekend: For those of you who really want to push your ability to cold approach.

Level 4: Getting Intimate (Complete 3 of 4) - Kiss two women: Make sure they’re women you’ve met since reading this book. - Go on a second date with the same woman: Self-explanatory. - Successfully get a woman back to your place: Usually can be done on the second date. - Get five phone numbers in one week:

Dr. Robert Glover and his book No More Mr. Nice Guy, one of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.