What’s the cube root of eight?” I take a deep breath and speak slowly. “Two times e to the two-i-pi.” “Incorrect. What’s the cube root of eight?” But I wasn’t incorrect. I just wanted to see how smart the computer was. Answer: not very.
I know Liberia uses imperial units but I don’t know my own name. That’s irritating.
So it was that with the apocalypse looming—possibly caused by an alien life-form—I stood in front of a bunch of kids and taught them basic science. Because what’s the point of even having a world if you’re not going to pass it on to the next generation?
Along another wall was a bookshelf full of specimen jars of animal parts in formaldehyde. One of the jars was just spaghetti and a boiled egg. The kids speculated on that one a lot.
“You spent years combating the assumption that life requires liquid water. You have an entire section here called ‘The Goldilocks Zone Is for Idiots.’ You call out dozens of eminent scientists by name and berate them for believing a temperature range is a requirement.”
if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.
For my next experiment, I taped a little white LED and a watch battery together. Of course, I wired it backward at first and the LED didn’t light up. That’s pretty much a rule in electronics: You never get diodes right on the first try.
Their move is taking a long time and I’m getting bored. Wow. I’m sitting here in a spaceship in the Tau Ceti system waiting for the intelligent aliens I just met to continue our conversation…and I’m bored. Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal
You have to stay hydrated if you want to save the world.
“It’s hard to find two climatologists who agree on the color of an orange.
Why did it break off?” He wiggles his carapace. “Not know. Many things break. My people make ship very hurry. No time to make sure all things work good.” Deadline-induced quality issues: a problem all over the galaxy.
His voice becomes monotone. It’s a very serious intonation. “Understand. Stress. Concern.”
I leaned to Dimitri. “Are all Russians crazy?” “Yes,” he said with a smile. “It is the only way to be Russian and happy at the same time.”
One thing I learned back in my graduate school days: When you’re stupid tired, accept that you’re stupid tired. Don’t try to solve things right then.
I lie in my bunk. There are a bunch of things I want to do, but I need to take it slow. I can’t risk another “stupid day” like yesterday. I almost ruined the sample and killed Rocky. I’m smart enough now to know I’m stupid. That’s progress.
The hardest part about working with aliens and saving humanity from extinction is constantly having to come up with names for stuff.
When you get down to it, smell is just tasting at range.
They haven’t invented the transistor yet, let alone IC chips. Working with Rocky is like having the world’s best engineer from 1950 on the ship with me.
Taumoeba stronger than Erid life—stronger than Earth life.”
When I can’t remove the bolt, I just start melting stuff. Can’t be stuck if it’s liquid.
He bounces back and forth some more. “Erid will live! Earth will live! Everyone live!” He curls the claws of one hand into a ball and presses it against the xenonite. “Fist me!” I push my knuckles
He bounces back and forth some more. “Erid will live! Earth will live! Everyone live!” He curls the claws of one hand into a ball and presses it against the xenonite. “Fist me!” I push my knuckles against the xenonite. “It’s ‘fist-bump,’ but yeah.”
The top hole, where his vents are, is ringed with rough gems. Definitely jewelry of some kind. They’re faceted, similar to how Earth jewelry might be cut, but the quality is horrible. They’re blotchy and discolored. But they’re really big and I bet they sound great to sonar.
There are several hundred kilograms of Astrophage in there and I’m in 1.5 g’s of gravity. That’s why I added the wheels. You’d be amazed what you can do with a machine shop and a firm desire not to drag heavy stuff around.
Finding a spaceship “somewhere just outside the Tau Ceti system” is no small task. Imagine being given a rowboat and told to find a toothpick “somewhere in the ocean.” It’s like that, but nowhere near as easy.
It’s alive. It has DNA. Is has mitochondria—the powerhouse of the cell.
Typo